Ep. 7 | How to Avoid Interactions at Church

Speaker: Jesse Turkington

Summary: An often neglected source of spiritual encouragement is the fellowship that comes from church.

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Music created by Chad Hoffman
Artwork created by Anthony Kuenzi

Jesse’s Personal Notes:

How to Avoid Interactions at Church

Introduction

Hey welcome to Pickled Parables! My name’s Jesse. 

If you missed last week’s episode, I should probably explain these titles. We’re in a small mini-series right now, and I call it a mini-series because it’s a collection of three lessons. It’s a very short series. 

But this is called the Do Not’s and they’re meant to highlight some unfortunate, even dangerous practices that Christian’s shouldn’t do but sometimes end up doing.

To help showcase why these practices and attitudes are problematic, we’re approaching them with a perspective that explains how to do it. Through understanding the mindset and the method, my hope is that the problem becomes self-evident. 

So, last week we talked about how to weaponize the Bible for your own personal use and this time we’re going to talk about how to avoid interactions at church. 

Now, I’d like to frame today’s topic by acknowledging that we’re living in a time where attending church is difficult. 

This is being recorded in February of 2021 and there’s still limitations on how many people can be in buildings, people still have to wear masks and there’s a lot of fear and discomfort caused by the Coronavirus. 

And I want to be cautious. 

I want to be careful and respectful towards those who are not able to go to church. I don’t want to guilt trip you into a dangerous situation. If you need to keep yourself from other people in order to keep yourself healthy, because we’re in the middle of a global pandemic, then keep yourself safe. 

I would encourage you though to find a way to stay in contact with people. If you’re able, create a bubble with others who will commit to encourage and correct and learn with you. Try to find community and fellowship however you can.

This lesson is meant to address the specific attitudes behind going to church and wanting to avoid interactions while you’re at church.

I want to highlight this mentality because it’s something that I feel needs to be addressed. The idea of attending church for the sake of ritualistic practice is hindering an important role that the church is supposed to provide.

Our goal through this lesson is to promote fellowship among Christians and activity within the church.

So please enter this lesson knowing our goal. We are not advocating for people to avoid interactions at church. We want to encourage Christian fellowship.

So, with that in mind, let’s take a look at how we could avoid interactions at church. 

Examples

Avoiding people at church really isn’t as hard as you might think it to be. 

Personally, I find that if you wave at someone who looks at you like they’re going to come over and talk to you, if you wave with like an acknowledgment wave but that’s also coupled with a goodbye wave; that often keeps them from coming over to you. 

It’s one of those waves lets people know you see them but you’re moving on. That works great. 

Now, if someone comes up and starts talking with you, there’s two things you could do, you could either say very little in return (that always makes it really uncomfortable for them so they might leave you alone) or you could be more civilized and bate them with small talk and then give a polite excuse. 

We don’t want to be rude and ignore people. The point of all of this is to appear genuine but maybe just a little shy.

Now, if you engage in small talk, you have to at least try to have a conversation. It could be the most basic content in the world, but you don’t what them to feel as if you’re ducking them. 

Right, so like start off with the basics, like: 

“Hey.”

“Hi, how you doing?”

“Oh you know, I’m good. You?”

“Oh, yeah man God is so good. I’ve just been super blessed this week.”

“Wow, that’s great dude.”

“Yeah. So what have you been up to?”

“Oh I’ve just, you know – just – keepin’ busy. You know, work.”  

“Oh, that’s great man!”

“Yeah it’s great. You know it’s actually kinda nice, because I work four tens and then I get a three-day weekend.”

“Oh man, that sounds amazing. I don’t remember the last time I had a three-day weekend.”

“Oh yeah?  I don’t remember, where do you work again?”

“Oh I work for a consulting company that puts up tents. Basically, we go in and measure out the area that our clients want covered and then we give an estimate for how many tents they would need.”

“Oh wow, does that keep you pretty busy?”

“Oh yeah, people need tents year-round. And with this whole Coronavirus thing going on, everybody’s trying to get tents that can cover seating for outside dinning at restaurants, and lines at stores and you know, whatever.”

“Wow, I guess I never really thought about that before.”

“Yeah man, here let me give you my card.”

“Oh, yeah, ok thanks. Uh you know actually I have a lunch I need to get to … it’was good to talk with you and catch up.”

“Oh yeah, it good to see you man.”

“Yeah, you too. I’ll catch you later.”

“See ya.”

See! It could be so, so simple. You just ask them questions and keep the conversation shallow. 

It’s not meant to be a meaningful conversation but you can both leave that interaction feeling like you had an actual talk with someone.

We don’t want to be rude and ignore people. The point of all of this is to appear genuine but maybe just a little shy.

Everybody has Their Reasons

Now the mentality behind this idea, or this practice, is dependent on the motive – right? Like a lot of people have different reasons for going to church. 

 Like for some people, they could go to church because it’s the, quote unquote, “Right thing to do.”

Or they used to go with their grandma and now that she’s gone, they want to honor her and keep her memory alive by doing something she would want them to do.

So, they’re not necessarily there to make friends. They’re just there to attend and then leave.

Other people go to church because they have an actual desire for it but their schedule is just so slammed that they’re physically there but mentally thinking through the next thing that they need get done. 

Then there are others who just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and are not ready for a full conversation because they’ve only had three cups of coffee that morning. 

The mentality of wanting to avoid interactions at church is primarily promoted through discomfort, disinterest, embarrassment, fear or anxiety, and self-consciousness. 

Here, I’ll share a personal example of when I wanted to avoid people at church and why I wanted to avoid interactions.

When I was in high school, I got sick and I had to get a spinal tap. But the spinal tap kind of went wrong and the area ended up getting infected. Which meant I got to live in my bed for a while and it was pretty hard for me to get out of the house.  

The real problem though, was that I loved being around people and I started getting kind of lonely. So, after a while I tired going to my church’s youth group … but something weird happened. 

 I began to notice a difference in my interactions with people, my friends. I got tired of explaining my situation (telling the same story over and over again) and I noticed a self-consciousness come over me. 

I was losing a lot of weight and muscle from the infection, and I wasn’t able to get into the sun that much so I kind of looked kind of pale and a little discolored. It’s wasn’t a good look. 

I became really embarrassed. 

Later, I tried going to the church services on Sunday mornings but that really didn’t help, that just magnified my embarrassment and self-consciousness.

It had been a while since I had attended and you could tell just by looking at me that I had been sick. 

So, I ended up avoiding the sanctuary where everyone sat and I would just sit in the foyer by myself. 

Now, I wanted to be there. I loved listening to the sermons and seeing my friends but I didn’t want to talk about what had happened to me. And that’s what most people were interested in. It was a curiosity that came out of genuine concern and people were very kind and gentle about it but I was overwhelmed with embarrassment. 

And so, I tried to look busy or look like I was leaving, in an attempt to keep people from coming up and talking to me. 

However, if someone managed to catch up to me, I would control the depth of the conversation by asking them questions and giving simple answers, because I wasn’t prepared to talk about real things.

Now, I share this with you because we need to understand that for some people, they may have real reasons for wanting to keep to themselves. They may not be good reasons, but it’s something we should be aware of. 

 Again, the mentality of wanting to avoid interactions at church is primarily promoted through discomfort, disinterest, embarrassment, fear or anxiety, and self-consciousness. 

These are things that prompt us to keep to ourselves. 

The problem that this creates is that when one or more people keep to themselves because they feel self-conscious, or whatever it might be, they deprive themselves and others from encouragement, from correction and community. 

The Benefits of Fellowship

The church is a body of believers. We may not know everyone in our local church and I can guarantee that we definitely don’t know everyone in the universal church, but as Christians we are called to pray for each other, to build each other up and encourage each other, to correct each other and disciple one another. 

We are called to be of one mind and unified. Now that doesn’t mean uniformed, like everyone looks the same and acts the same. Unified means harmony like that of a choir. Among our differences, we are of one mind and unified in Christ. 

The church is this harmony. All kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds coming together and having nothing in common other than the saving grace that they received through Jesus Christ. 

Let me read from the letter of Colossians, this is one of most favorite letters in the New Testament. This is from Colossians chapter 3.

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 

On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. 11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:1-17 ESV)

This is the church. This is what the church is called to be. A body of believers who have been transformed by Jesus’ mercy and then continually renewed by the Holy Spirit’s ministry. 

There’s a lot more to a church than that but these are the basics – these are the building blocks. 

And this is important to know because they stand in sharp contrast to the mentality of those who seek to attend church rather than to be part of the church. 

Personally, I pulled myself away from others because I was scared. There was a lot of change that I was dealing with and it wasn’t good change but it wasn’t necessarily bad change either. I just didn’t know how to respond how to it. I didn’t know what to say to people. I didn’t want to look weak.

What I needed was someone to hug me and then sit with me and not saying anything. But I didn’t know how to put that into words, I didn’t know how to ask for that. 

Let me first address those who are timid about interacting with people at church. I get it. Maybe, you just feel drained and you’re not prepared to interact. 

Maybe, you suffer from anxiety and the thought of talking with someone that you kinda know is terrifying. 

Maybe you’re not even there to interact with people. That might not be your purpose in going to church. Maybe you’re going because you feel like you have to be there.

Let me encourage you, find someone in your church and open up. Even if you don’t want to be there, find someone and tell them, “I don’t wanna be here.”

But give the church the opportunity to love you. A wise man once told me that, “One of the ways Jesus communicates His love is through the body of the church.”

Now, sadly I will admit, not every church demonstrates Jesus’ love to each other well. And if this is something you encounter, then look for the fruit of the Spirit (if you want a list of what that looks like, look up Galatians 5:22-23). 

Churches that show the fruit of the Spirit are good places to open up. But if you’ve been hurt in the past, don’t become discouraged from seeking out Christian fellowship.

I would encourage you to pray, tell God what you’re looking for – that you want to have community. First pray and then become intentional. Reach out to someone and tell them where you’re at.

Now, let me address those who are feel safe in their church body. 

Be on the lookout for people who look timid. We’ve all seen people who look uncomfortable. We know what they look like.  

Break through your comfort zone or leave your circle and pursue them. 

Don’t scare them, but offer them kindness. Encourage them and let them know that you see them. 

The church is so special because it’s a group of people who live out their confession of faith together. That’s not what a church always looks like but that’s what it’s called to be. 

Reach out to each other. Even in this time of social distancing, we have been blessed with all kinds of technology that can help us connect to each other. It’s a little more awkward than face to face, sure, but it could be an absolute life saver. 

Let me close by reading a little bit of that passage from Colossians. This is Colossians chapter 3, verse 16 and 17.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:16-17 ESV)

Conclusion

Hey, thanks for joining me today. If you need encouragement or actual assistance in finding a group of people that you can have Christian community with, please reach out to us. Email us at contact@parableministires.com and we would love to pray with you and help you in your search. 

We want to cultivate spiritual growth and healthy practices. We might be able to help by reaching out to a church for you on your behalf or whatever we could do, we want to help.  

Now, in regards to this podcast, we’re be wrapping up this little mini-series next week with a look at how to sound proficient in prayer. This one could be kind of interesting. 

So be sure to mark that on your calendars and until then, I’ll catch you later.